I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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