I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize