I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
