For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
