college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
