You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
