You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
