Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
