im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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