Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
