You really coming over, don't trick.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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