You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm at about main and main street
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
