i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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