Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
