i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
