Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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