I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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