hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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