it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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