I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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