I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize