Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
