Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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