when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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