My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
