This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
