guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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