So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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