She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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