Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
