I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
