and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
