I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
