i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
