The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize