I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
