An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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