So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
