drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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