it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
