I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
