grandma shit on top of the toilet
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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