Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize