you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
