Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
