Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
