hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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