okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Even my vagina gasped.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
