You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
