You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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