IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
