you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
