so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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