I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
