Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
