I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my being single is dangerous.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
