you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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