would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
